The six pages of my paper are FINALLY completed and done……but two hours (or more) of editing in front of me *sigh*… spring break is so close I can practically taste it. I'll write a more legitimate post once I finally finish!
Oof. These past few days have been….. a;skdflksd, to put it quite franky.
I've tried to give the friends who have wronged me a second chance, but sometimes you need to realize that there was a reason why you needed to give them a second chance in the first place. You might find that in order to keep this friendship going, you would also need to give them a third, fourth, fifth, etc. chance - which is ABSURDDDD. If a friend keeps repeating the same actions to you, enough is enough. Never ever EVER make a friend your priority if they treat you like an option. Although this song is technically supposed to be about a relationship, I instead relate it to just friendship (ignore the part about the bed and such hahah!!) and how sometimes people just grow apart and mistreat each other and don't really work as friends anymore: "Dear Friend" by Meghan Tonjes. <---YouTube dat shizz! :p We deserve to be treated like we have ineffable value, like we're princes and princesses, like we deserve to have the love of good friendship. And if anyone treats you otherwise, makes you feel like you're not worthy of having a friend be good to you, or that you're no more special to them than any old person on the street, then you know what to do (hint: SEE YA NEVER! *doesn't even bother to wave goodbye*). You can only try for so long before you have to realize that your dignity and self-respect is FAR more important than chasing after the people who don't appreciate you in the way you deserve to be appreciated. One of my best friends who is a junior in high school has been feeling the same way, and I told her that once she leaves high school, she will find better people out there. Right now, that is my current mission: find (and then surround myself with) more people who will make me feel loved and appreciated by them as a friend. I have a few who are already like this, but they are younger than me or are male. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, guy friends are amazing and so much fun to just joke around with because they're a lot less gossipy than the girls I have encountered, but every girl just wants that one girl to call her best friend. Or maybe that's just me...A major issue that comes up a lot is that when I find somebody with "good friend" potential, I'm not enough for them in the sense that they'd rather have a huge group (of mainly fake/not as meaningful relationships) of friends rather than a few really close, tight-knit connections. So when I say I'll have lunch with them, or I'll go do something fun with them, they take it for granted and keep pressuring other people to join us even if they don't want to because of homework or already had other plans. This has really been getting me down, like, what I'm not good enough?? My presence isn't good enough for you, that you have to go force other people to come along too even if they genuinely can't or aren't interested in the activities? I've begun to come to terms with this, though, and I've accepted that this is their limitation as a human being, that they are unable to recognize and appreciate a good person when they have one as a friend and in no way do these hurtful actions serve as any sort of commentary about my worth as a person or friend. I refuse to be taken for granted ANY longer. From now on, as soon as I even begin to doubt that somebody appreciates me, I'll talk to her/him about it. If nothing changes? I'm gone, and then they can deal with the fact that they lost me for being so disrespectful and rude. It's their problem now, not mine. I honestly would rather sit by myself, and do things by myself than spend time with people who keep making me suffer from self-loathing, frustration, and feelings of worthlessness. I will no longer let mistreatment by some of my "friends" determine how I see myself, or deteriorate my own relationship with myself. </end rant>. Until Next Time, xx BAS *cue Happy (from Despicable Me 2) by Pharrell Williams* <--aka the quintessential happy-dance song (!!!)
Between the recent break up and then on Friday my mother passing out in the doctor's office from severe anemia and needing to stay in the hospital overnight for not just one but TWO blood transfusions, I've been in a hard place. Rebuilding old friendships that were falling apart (I'm actually visiting an old friend (and a new friend!!) at WPI in Mass which is fab because we haven't had gurl talk in ages *handflip*), listening to happy & upbeat music (Eric Hutchinson, anyone!?), and tidying up basically everything in my room - I can actually see the floor now!! - have been helping me get through. In my spare time, I've been reading books like Under the Dome and Chocolates for Breakfast or reading up on nail art (my friend gave me pearly pink and white pinstriped nails with pastel cupcakes on my thumbies!! :D) and why yes, i believe i did just say "thumbies" *Sigh* it's that kind of a week… Everyone has been super-stressing about papers and midterm exams, so I figured that I should find a way to help spread some joy!! Here are 30 ways to brighten your spirits!
Until Next Time, xx BAS |