Sometimes the best thing we can do is free our souls of our secrets.
Prince Harry and I are back together. We were both very vulnerable. He said really hurtful things because he thought I didn't truly love him, so he wanted to protect himself. Now this doesn't make what he said right,nor does it make my actions right. I was still scared by a past relationship so I was always really critical, nitpicky, accusatory, worrying, and anxious. I thought he didn't truly love me, either. Maybe I wasn't truly ready to let love in because I felt like I couldn't be loved. Yesterday I had the norovirus full-on; today I still have it but a little milder. Saturday was our 3 month anniversary, and I stayed over. Yesterday (Sunday) Prince Harry took such amazing care of me at his house, never once leaving my side unless to grab me more water or Ritz crackers. He only went downstairs to eat a quick dinner when I was fast asleep taking a nap. Now you may judge me, think I'm young, think I'm naive, but I think what Prince Harry was most mad at me about, even more than the way I was critical or easily disappointed or questioning his authenticity was that I wasn't letting him in. Well, now I am finally ready to let him in. I literally stared at a picture on my phone for two minutes of him in his kitchen from Saturday when we were baking s'mores cupcakes together, and just could not stop smiling at it! Rather than react to this "vulnerability" by picking a fight or doing something to push him away or telling myself that there's no way he could reciprocate these feelings, I sighed and felt content with the world. Sometimes, timing just isn't right and you have to wait until you grow and develop a little more, to see what life is like without a person, and then you realize how much better you would feel if they were by your side again. Because when it's a matter of putting your big girl pants on and acknowledging your vulnerability but trusting in the other person not to break you versus losing a person for good, you know what you've got to do - we both knew what we had to do. And that was to break free of our fears and anxieties that were turning us into cold people that we really aren't. His method of defense was offense, and in a way, so was mine. We now agreed to never again throw around harsh words, to always show and tell the other how much we love each other, and to always talk things out without anger or pre-conceived notions (like we think we already know the answer to the question/accusation we would make).
I've decided to not post anymore blog posts about our relationship about the day-to-day happenings (sometimes you just need to figure things out on your own without the judgement of the public eye), but once in a while, maybe. It's better not to analyze so much, I think. So, readers and friends, you can judge me all you want, but I know in my heart I have made the right decision for me.
Until Next Time,