I recently have been getting flashbacks of being called horrible names in high school, among other things that I honestly don't care to discuss at the moment. All I can say is that I'm going to try something to stop it: changing up my look.
If I don't look like I used to in the past when I went through everything that I've been through, then when I look in the mirror I won't be reminded of everything I used to think, everything I used to be when I looked in the mirror in the past. I'm going to give my eyebrows a different arch/shape. I'm going to grow my hair really long and change the color (maybe carmel highlights at first and then go lighter eventually from there). I'm going to stop eating unhealthy foods and work out like a fiend so I can finally look good in a bathing suit (so HA on everyone who used to make fun of the way I look in one). I'm going to get all A's to prove to the people in boarding school who told me that I wasn't smart. I'm going to change my speech patterns (no more "like's" or "ummm's"). I'm going to be the best self that I can possibly be.
I also wish that people appreciated the person I was inside more, but my personality goes unnoticed unless (ironically, I know) I'm also wearing makeup or tight clothing. Well, I'm tired of it. I'm going to make people notice who I am. If having different hair and being more fit will get people hooked, then fine. But I'm tired of not having a voice, of people not caring about what I have to say or not taking me seriously.
So this is my goodbye letter to my previous self, the one who was picked on. The one who was told time and time again that her best would never be good enough. The one who was overlooked and under-appreciated. I'm tired of being the "unconventionally pretty" girl. I'm tired of having to shout to have people hear me, while people with tiny noses and even tinier thighs can just whisper and have everyone hanging on their every word.
UGH. </end rant.>
Until Next Time,