The surgery: Tomorrow, I'm getting two non-cancerous cysts removed :( I'm scared!!!!!!! I've never been to a major hospital for surgery before, and I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight. Luckily, my appointment is LITERALLY first thing in the morning and I have to wake up at 5:45AM to get to the hospital in time -_______- . Then I'm gonna have to take a bunch of Tylenol and take the next day off from my internship. Also I think I'm going to have a teensy white-line scar…. I'll keep you updated….
The struggle: Writing for the image consultant company is tricky because I have to write in a particular style and then have her check it over and keep redoing it until it is to her liking for the company…there is SO much work to be done but I need still need to have time to do my physical therapy exercises and get 9 hours of sleep at night and read and watch the rest of Season 2 of Revenge (I am sooo behind!!) and have time for family and friends, etc. But on the bright side: I'm engaging in something that I'm passionate about - writing!! I'm learning to write for a particular audience, not just myself, which is an important skill to acquire and then posses in one's writing toolbox. It also shows a sense of maturity that a writer has the ability to put their own creative desires aside, and mold their work as if a lump of clay to fit the standards and structure that their audience is demanding. It also inspires me to do more writing on my own (just for funsiez!) because that writing I can sculpt into anything my glowing heart desires!! :p Also my communication skills are definitely being strengthened: it's all about learning to ask the right questions, and how to formulate responses to ensure clarity and definitiveness.
The heartache: This is what is causing me the most agony of all of my worries *sigh*. 2 months later, and my heart is still pretty broken…Recently I've been having nightmares literally every night about it which makes every morning pretty rough. It still feels so surreal, I guess. Anyone who knows me well knows I resort to chocolate when I'm feeling blue, so I haven't been eating very healthy (read: all of the Ben&Jerry's!!!!!!) Another thing about that is when I'm sad, I can never tell if I want to eat because I feel emotionally empty inside or stressed, or if I want to eat because I'm actually hungry. So I lost a bunch of pounds but now I'm gaining pounds so it's very back-and-forth…oy vayy. On weekends, I kind of just want to lay in my bed and cry for hours, but my parents don't approve of that -___- (hint: already tried it.) and it's not feasible to do that anyway because I have so much other work or reading I need/want to get done…! The sadness is almost palpable, really; it physically feels like there's a tugging in my chest and burning in my tummy. Usually I just block it out by thinking about other things but it really does have a way of creeping its way back out onto the surface of my brain. But on the bright side: In this absence, I have a lot of free time! I can spend it doing more of the things I love: READING while cuddling with my doggy <33, doing exercises for physical therapy, catching up on TV shows, shopping, creative writing, talking to family members on the phone, learning French/Italian on Duolingo.com, and I'm also learning how to code!! So soon I will be an html/Java pro ;) Also, instead of eating unhealthy foods (or when I'm not truly hungry) I can learn new exercises or try new healthy foods (quinoa, anyone!?yumm-ayy! *licks the stirring spoon*) The healing process is always rough for everyone, but it clearly can be particularly rough when it was such a serious relationship. The good news is that even just typing all this out has made me feel better, so I think by just focusing on all of the good things in my life, the sad feelings will become subdued!
There are a bunch of other miscellaneous things that are seriously stressing me out but I don't even have enough time to finish this post -____________- Prayin' to da lawd to give me strength through this rough time, and hoping that happiness will be heading my way soon.
Until Next Time,